How To Antique My Mom

Step 1 The Motivation

So, I want the Jackass guys to antique my mom. Plain and simple, she bakes terrible cakes. They're horrible. And the only solution I have dreamed up is to destroy her flour supply.

Step 2 The Surprise

I'd prefer to spring this white-out surprise on her, when she least expects it. Ideally, we corner her at Whole Foods or maybe when she's walking out of church. Church is probably the best idea, as I can plan that ahead of time. Sunday, noon, town green. Done.

Step 3 Make it Stick

Everyone knows the key to a good antiquing is the proper application of a sticky solution. I suggest we drench my mom in milk, egg whites or a good drum of vegetable oil--- to keep with the baking theme.

Step 4 FLOURRRRRRR

I've done this before and my main hangups have been supply-based. I always think a 5lb bag is adequate, when in truth antiquing requires a whole buttload of flour..... I'm going to go to Costco for this one.