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"The Intervention"

"The Intervention"

This is a great trick to play on your least-bad-ass pal.  Pick a friend who doesn't smoke, and barely drinks (spends Fridays at home watching Lifetime) and take them out for a beer.  A couple days later, take them out for another beer.  A couple days after that, do it again, only this time, after they order a beer, order yourself a Coke or a glass of water.  Say something in passing, like "You totally love beer, huh?" or "I'm just not feeling it today."  Make sure it's something that makes them feel just slightly awkward.  Then, the next day, invite them over for dinner or a movie, or to go out again, and stage an intervention.  Hire an interventionist who is either a great psychologist or someone who interrogates for the police department.  You want to make sure to get your friend to break down.  Follow all the protocols, including having their family there (also make sure their family can act!), and friends, all crying over their personal letters.  Have a brochure made for a fictional rehab center that looks really crappy, but pour on how important it is to all of you that they go for their "problem."  Start to bring up things you've "noticed" like behavioral changes, looking rundown, not being themself.  These are things they won't be able to deny because they wouldn't have noticed.  Have ultimatums from each attendee including cutting off all ties and finances.  Also, if they have close family or a significant other, have them pull the debit/credit cards and I.D. out of their wallet right before the meeting, and use it as ammo.  At some point, your friend will give in and agree to go.  See how far you can take it. Make sure a bag is packed, and if you can get them to the airport, you're golden.  It's up to you when you want to give in, but see if you can't fly them to "Detroit's Finest," or wherever you decide their rehab center should be.  Have someone with a hidden camera accompany them all the way.  Maybe even have them start writing letters of apology.  Anything else is just icing on the cake.

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